TERRIBLE MOVIES

Ok so sometimes I actually do stuff other than play games, and then immediately regret it.

I feel anti-social for my movie dislike, alienated at best. When people ask me if I’ve seen this or that movie? No I haven’t. I don’t even know what the movie is you are trying to get me to remember. I probably haven’t seen it, I don’t care. No I won’t come and see the Hangover two with you, I haven’t even seen the first one. Seven pounds was boring, Inception was nonsense and I fell asleep in Lord of the Rings. Yep, my dreams were better than Lord of the Rings. My dislike of spending between two and three hours watching movies has flared up again recently after a spate of movies that can only be described as infuriating. But why? I wouldn’t say I hate movies, it’s more that I just dread watching them. I know most of them are going to be terrible. I never used to be like this, hours of my young life were spent, bottom-on-carpet watching hours upon hours of flickering telly screen. What’s changed? Is it the internet, my secret wish to be a robot or some other reason that I am as yet unaware of. It’s not that I don’t like terrible movies, Some of my favourite movies are terrible, bad acting filled, ten dollar pieces of garbage. Peter Jackson’s Brain Dead is a great example. I think I’ve just moved on. Dear terrible movies I’m breaking up with you, and here’s why.


Lets start with ‘The Mist’ a 2007, horror/scifi thriller. Yes, all three genres in one, a massive undertaking at the best of times, but one that I thought Stephen King of all people might be capable of. I was assured by a friend that this was beacon of cinematic originality, a movie worth writing novels about, the acting, angelic, the concept divine. Admittedly the concept for the movie was pretty cool, the blurb reads, ‘A freak storm unleashes a species of blood-thirsty creatures on a small town, where a small band of citizens hole-up in a supermarket and fight for their lives.’ It sounded alright despite the front cover’s pitiful catchphrase, ‘Fear changes everything’ (almost as bad as The Clash of Titans catchphrase, ‘Titans will clash.’) I settled down, bag of chips in hand and mild dose of healthy scepticism. This lead to plain scepticism and then to anger, which eventually lead to rage and me shouting insults at the screen. How does a movie made in 2007 manage to have CGI that looks as though it was rendered by a blind child randomly mashing buttons on Windows 97? Why were there monsters in the mist that looked like giant octopuses? Was there supposed to be back-story here that was assumed knowledge. Perhaps the movie in question was intended for audiences fifty years from now who had undergone an alien invasion and had stumbled blissfully out of ignorance and into a terrifying world occupied by dinosaurs and giant sea mammals. Maybe within that context I might have understood the movie slightly better. But as it stands it was as bleakly unoriginal as sliced bread. The explanation for how these creatures got to earth, was that a top secret military experiment had somehow ripped a whole in space time, allowing creatures inhabiting a different planet –despite being confusingly similar to earth creatures – to enter a small town in back country America. On top of this all the creatures that came through the void somehow manage to maintain a force shield of impenetrable mist that follows them around wherever they go. Three words to the producers of ‘The Mist,’ suspension of disbelief, you’re doing it wrong. I wasn’t going to mention the ending but it kind of sums up how dreadful this movie really was. Basically the protagonist is forced to kill all of his family, a better death than being ripped apart by the creatures. After he’s killed them he’s screaming out with self-hate, because there wasn’t enough bullets to kill him too and at that moment, the fog clears and rescue workers come to get them. I bet he felt like a right pillock. I knew that would happen, why make it so obvious.


This brings me to my second terrible movie, ‘The Steam Experiment.’ In fact I’m beginning to think I might never watch anything that has ‘The’ in the title ever again. ‘The premise for the steam room is pretty laughable; I can imagine people sitting around the boardroom table, thinking about what movie to make. One of the young upstarts thinks current affairs is a good idea, so he shouts ‘Global Warming’ he’s pointed at solemnly by the director, who then, with a spark in his eyes, says ‘Yes, you, I like you. What else?’ Then someone else shouts out ‘Steam room,’ and nobody wants to be the one who says that it’s a terrible suggestion so they make ‘The Steam Experiment,’ a movie about a deranged scientist who locks 6 people in a steam room and threatens to kill them unless the paper runs his article on global warming. It’s so bad, there isn’t any awful CGI in this one but there is bad acting, bad script and bad twists. The steam experiment has the opposite problem of the mist. In ‘The Mist you know exactly what’s going to happen because it’s being signposted the whole way through whereas in ‘The Steam Experiment’ it’s as though the director was like ‘let just do something completely unexpected, then we’ll get them, they’ll never see it coming, what? Who cares if it doesn’t make sense, let’s just put it in.’ The result of this is that the twist is so utterly confusing that you are left feeling alienated it’s as though the film require full exegesis to extract any meaning whatsoever. I think the moral of the story was, ‘global warming is bad,’ and if you put six people in a steam room together, they will kill each other.’
This got me thinking about why I didn’t like these twists, I’m sure I would have loved it when I was younger. My dislike of movies seems to be directly proportionate with my age, the older I get, the more boring I find movies. Is this phenomenon only affecting me? Is it because we get so much more stimulation from the internet and video games now, that watching a movies seems like a chore. Technology is moving pretty fast these days, it even has a theory called Moore’s Law; it shows that the rate of technology increase is exponential by measuring the increase in the number of transistors we can fit on an intergrated circuit every year. Think about that. It means that every two years we double the intelligence of manmade machines. If only we could double the capacity to make original and interesting movies every two years, imagine what that could do for Hollywood. Gone would be the days of Fast and the Furious Five, Final Destination five hundred (or whatever it is they are up to now.)

In fact I think it’s possible to apply Moore’s law to the making of movies. Let’s make a new theorum right now. The hypothesis shall be that: the number of terrible remakes and/or sequels doubles every two years and is directly proportionate to the decrease in originality. Watch this space. Movie making is dismal at best these days, for every gem there is at least a thousand steamers rolled out on the back of a cash cow, designed specifically to make already poor people pay $17 dollars to see something they’ve already seen with only the slightest (probably worse) changes.
I think part of the reason that movies are less popular than they used to be is because we are used to being entertained multiple ways at once. Here’s a scenario to think about, you pack your bag for a normal day which will consist of getting up, going to work, going out for drinks and then surfing the internet and sleeping. What wouldn’t you leave behind? I don’t know about anyone else, but my phone would be the first thing, then wallet, then ipod, and then Nintendo DS. At any given moment, most of us are carrying around thousands of dollars worth of technology to be used at our every whim. We decide when and how to use our technology. There is an element of choice that draws us in, we can choose who we call, what websites to browse, songs to download and what type of characters we play in games. How can movies even compete? They tell us what to think. No wonder we get bored, where’s the fun in being told what to do? I’d rather the interactivity myself. We can’t just sit down in front of the TV and watch something unencumbered now. Anyone with a laptop will also have that sitting on their lap and be chatting or surfing at the same time. If you had a choice between the internet and the TV, what would you choose?


Ray Kurzweil, a prominent scientist and futurist believes that there will be a point in the future where technology and human intelligence will be indistinguishable. He calls this idea the ‘Singularity’ and I wish it would hurry up so I could transfer my brain into a robot and become an awesome cyborg. I would become an evil mastermind and my mission would be to destroy all the awful movies in the entire world. DVD stores would fear me; my mighty circuits would seek out torrent sites, mass deleting their terrible files. Never again would people have to sit through Biodome with Pauly Shore. The end result of my efforts would be a utopia in which no remakes or sequels existed, unoriginality would not be in tolerated. Any movie with the word ‘labyrinth’ in it would be spared. Young adults and children alike would never have to live in fear of wasting their pocket money on two hours of rage inciting, mind-numbingly boring movies ever again.
So how should we entertain ourselves in the 21st century? Is it merely a question of going back to a simpler time, giving up our modern luxury products? I don’t think so. I think we have passed the point of no return. Now we have to try and find balance between technology and real life. Am I the only one who finds it frustrating that I’m drawn to check facebook several times a day, that I just can’t stop (believe me I’ve tried.) I am trapped, like many of you, in the world I’ve grown up in. My world is the internet, a prison of reward based punishment, it’s where I spend most of my time, and so do you, despite having a secret desire to escape it. I think I’ve reached a state of passive boredom. No matter how many things there are in front of me, if I’m by myself I usually count that as ‘bored.’ Nothing can beat the company of real life for me.


I think there could be a way to release ourselves from the burden of technology without completely removing it. Ubiquitous computing, technology we can’t see working, embedded around us. Real examples of this include belts that tell you where north are, clothes that regulate temperature, photo frames that tell you where the people in the pictures are. Maybe we could invent one that tells us if we will think a movie is rubbish or not.
Speaking of rubbish movies, I just thought of another one, The Imaginarium of Doctor Parnassus. You might know it as Heath Ledger’s last film. Sadly it’s also probably his worst. Visually, the movie is amazing; it’s got every last sweet in the candy box. It’s just that the story, was well, terrible. It had glimmers of hope, but it lost itself half way through and became terribly self indulgent and dragged out. Terry Gilligan, what were you thinking? The acting isn’t even bad. It could have been so watchable if only you’d cut out about an hour of the film and replaced it with plot. At the end I was left disgruntled at best.

tbc.

Something awesome

How cool are these? They also have Emma Frost, Wonder Woman and some other spider chick
You can get them at spencers! I want some.


Good for the lads imo.

Spec Craft: The art of watching Starcraft

From newb to newb here's what you need to know to get you started watching Starcraft
VOD: video-on demand
The races:
Terran: Humans
Protoss: humanoids
Zerg: biologically advanced arthropod aliens
GG: games over, good game admission of defeat and catchphrase
BM: Bad manners
That's all i'm giving you but for a more extensive list go here: http://starcraft.wikia.com/wiki/List_of_StarCraft_terminology
Where to watch:
www.GomTv.net
http://www.teamliquid.net/
and of course youtube, but be careful of spoilers.

Watching professional Starcraft is like taking drugs. At first you’re not sure you should be doing it, then you start to like it and the next thing you know it's 4am and you've got to get up for work in a few hours but you just have to watch one more VOD. When will you get your next fix?

Watching Starcraft might seem like a chore at first, especially if you don't play the game. Understanding of the game infinitely increases the enjoyment you can derive from watching it; you can feel the tension, anticipate attacks, laugh at in-jokes. All this won't come at once, but if you persevere, the level of satisfaction you get when it finally all clicks makes it all worthwhile.
My Starcraft addiction started one fateful university holiday with two deceptively nerdy friends. At first there was talk of alcohol, partying and picking up chicks but then the night degenerated into diet coke and board games. Then there was a meek suggestion, 'Do you guys want to watch some SC2?'

However in the kind of company I keep, it's not unusual to hear talk of a few cheeky video games, so being the curious kind I agreed. For those who are free from the shackles of Starcraft, free from eye-drying 4am VOD sessions, and free from double checking when you hear someone say 'Terran' and it turns out they were just saying 'terror,' I shall explain.
Starcraft is an RTS (real-time Strategy) game in which two of three warring factions take each other on in a battle of war, wits and micro. There are three teams for players to choose from, Zerg, Protoss and Terran. The aim of the game is to defeat the other player via a number of highly technical strategies. You might be wondering how it is that I can watch and enjoy Starcraft as someone that doesn't play it herself.

Well it's simple really, it's just the same as being able to appreciate sports without actually playing them. What we like about sports is very close to what we like about e-sports. You only have to glance at the whirring fingers of a professional league player to know that there is no small skill involved. The world of e-sports is rapidly expanding thanks to ever immersive web 2.0 and the increase of video sharing sites like youtube, which allow fans and spectators to watch games from all over the world. Like it or not we are all going to be hearing about in the next 20 years so we may as well get used to it. The world we live in is increasingly fusing with technology and its only a matter of time before those who showcase skill in the technological world get just as much recognition as those in the physical.

E-sports really began to take off in 1998 in South Korea when Starcraft first became popular. Nowdays they have two TV channels dedicated to screening professional Starcraft matches, 'Ongamenet' and 'MBCgame.' It might sound strange but it highlights the celebrity status and immense level of popularity that professional gaming has gained over the last 10 years. Thousands of fans recently tuned into GomTV ,an internet streaming site dedicated to e-sports casting, to watch the recent - albeit disappointing - finals of the GSL (Global Starcraft League), Inca vs. Nestea. Currently the most watched single game on GomTv is Fruitdealer vs Hopetorture which claims 625,422 views for a single 7 set match-up. Not a small number for a e-sports casting. The Global Starcraft League is one of many Starcraft 2 tournaments and the largest Competition League in the world for Starcraft. It's based in Korea, in a stadium where players sit in separate sound proof boxes and people go and watch them play in real life as well as online. If you want to watch online on GOMTV semi regularly you will need to buy a season ticket for $20 which gives you access to their HD live stream as well as other VODs (videos-on-demand.) Or you can pay $2 for a daypass if you don't want to shell out for the season pass.

But why would you want to watch Starcraft in the first place what's so exciting about watching somebody else play a game? To answer that lets talk a little about the pros.
Professional Starcraft2 players in Korea live in share houses with their team mates. All the facilities for training are provided in the house for them, computers, lan setup and the rest of it. They can sometimes train for up to 16 hours a day, this includes watching replays, learning new strats, and competing against other players and team members. Starcraft players have achieved celebrity status in Korea, names such as SlayerS_BoxeR, MC and Mvp are famous and earn hundreds of thousands of dollars a year. Not a bad tip if your willing to give up all your time to starcraft for a few decades. Many spectators like to follow their favourite players or teams in Tournaments where the prize money can be up to 200K for first place. Documentaries, interviews and bios are made of the most famous players, they are even introduced by Korea's internationally successful K-pop groups.

But why would you want to watch starcraft 2? It's fun, easy, cheap, you can do it with friends and the commentators are hilarious. Two of the most well known non-korean Starcraft casters and top players when they were in their prime. Where else can you go to hear two nerds chastise each other, fall in love, proclaim undying obsession with the cheer girls and break into nerd chills just as a player is about to execute a difficult strategy. The two provide witty banter in down time to amuse the spectators but their most valuable skill is in calling and explaining the game. Insightful commentators are an integral part of sports casting and apparently e-sports casting. Research done on the how commentators affect the audience participation shows that there are generally two types of sports casters that work well together, the colour commentator who provides back ground information and humor about the players - tasteless is one of those - and the play-by-play analyst who describe what is happening in the game, Artosis is a play-by-play analyst and a very handsome nerd.
'Oh tasteless!'

Anyway bitches there's nothing more satisfying to me that justifying why i spend several hours a day on my ass watching Starcraft. I suggest you get into it :P
Peace out,and don't forget to vote in the poll
xo

Mortal Combat Classfication DENIED

It seems like this whole classification shitstorm in Australia started with Left for Dead 2. I know there was probably previous titles that were DENIED but it was this particular title that removed our potential to slash, shoot, maim, stab and other wise dismember zombies that really got the Australian gamer community up in arms. It all started because of one little phrase entered in the report that the classification guy wrote up, "rabies-infected humans". The classification board then proceeded to clench it's buttocks so tight that not even full strength Rojan Josh could do anything about it. This is what I imagine the board room sounded like after they submitted the report,

Board Director: Oh! Oh No, we can't possibly have a simulated environment killing real people, people who are alive. WITH RABIES! We can't allow gamers to kill sick people, they can't be allowed to hurt these imaginary alive people!!!! GOD WILL PUNISH THEM RAWRWRAR. THEY HAVE RABIES THEY SHOULD BE IN HOSPITAL!

Intern: Maybe if we replaced the words "rabies infected humans" with Zom-

Board Director: RABIES! it rhymes with BABIES, how foul and twisted are these game developers, Rabies is only one step away from BABIES, i bet they knew that, i bet they are baby killers, THEY WANT ME TO KILL MY BABY!

Intern: But if we just--

Board director: All in favor of not killing my baby? MOTION PASSED, NO LEFT FOR DEAD 2 IN AUSTRALIA.

Anyway that's pretty much how it went down. Like many gamers I was pretty pissed at this since L4D was pretty much zombie game of the decade. I remember when I first played it, I was in cydus in Melbourne, had my head phones on. I was walking really slowly down the corridor in the first part of the Plane Wreck and a ZOMBIE goes "URHHHHHHHHH" out of no-where and I screamed so loudly, and then I remembered where I was and the whole row of the lan cafe was looking at me. Embarrassing! Anyway yes, I wanted to play this game.




I don't think I'm the only one that thought things would improve if Australia got an R18 rating for video games, I mean we all bitched at Conroy and the Australian Classification board but it looks like that didn't do a damn thing. It's like they want us to pirate, they are practically asking us to. Normally I could let one game slide and it wouldn't be the end of the world but this morning, while in bed browsing general haunts like www.geekologie.com and www.australiangamer.com I noticed in amongst posts about 3d porn, robots and dinosaurs that the new MORTAL COMBAT has been refused classification on the grounds of "fatalities" and promoting "lesbian relationships" but the Kinky Wii Sex game has been passed.

Ok Australia seriously, have you seen the shit you put on your TV, an episode of desperate housewives would probably trump Mortal combat for violence and sex. You provide several porn channels on payTV, I've seen documentaries that are more violent than this shit, and they are real. What is the problem, we as a community are trying to compromise. Ok not all gamers are adults, maybe not everyone should be allowed to play violent video games, but have some faith. Sure, some parents are shit (or awesome depending on how you see it) and will buy their kids violent video games but those parents are going to let their kids do what they want anyway. We asked for an R18 rating to assuage concerns about young kids playing inappropriate content, they have so far denied us this. Have some faith that we as adults can decide what we should and shouldn't play. Why does the government have to pretend we all need to be babysat. Not only are they completely overprotective but there doesn't seem to be any hard evidence associating violent video games and long term violent tendencies in adults. I might also remind them that we evolved from races that have long since thrived in enjoying the entertainment of violence and gore, gladiatorial combat for example. Video games aren't even real, why shouldn't we choose the way that we want to entertain ourselves.

So the moral of the story is we should probably all just buy this game online and flip a humongous bird once again to the australian classification board.

oh yeah and don't forget to vote in this months poll =D

Final Fantasy 14 beta be good..

My final fantasy addiction somewhat rivals my lungs addiction to breathing. It's the kind of addiction that can see you develop scoliosis of the spine because sitting on a bean bag for 10 consecutive days isn't good for you. I'm the kind of person who has all her avatars named after characters in the games. So yes, the Final Fantasy 14 Beta was released last week. I very nearly wet myself with excitement (read: did) when I sent my little application to Square Enix. My enthusiasm was slightly deadened by the immense difficulty I had downloading the client and then accessing the server. It took 4 days to download. I gave the first two days up as a concession because I realise the entirety of Europe was also probably trying to DL it too. But there seems to be some kind of retard programming the DLer because if there is an error in the process it has to download the whole thing again. It's like an OCD child counting smarties, if you miss one you start again from the beginning. There's no reference point for how much has already been downloaded and stored on your computer. How retarded.

Anyway I finally logged on and created my stock standard(a Mage of course) called Kriji Wolf, which is a sort of, cute, cat-anime hybrid class called a Miq'ote.
You can play as
- Miq'ote (Kitty hybrid)
- Elezen (Elf.)
- Lalafell (Mooglesque dwarf)
- Hyur (Hume pretty much)
- Roegadyn (Tauren... kidding, Giant.)

I'm pretty disappointed that I couldn't have been a Viera. That would have been an awesome class, but maybe they are waiting for the final version for that.
The beginning starts with a confusing cut scene of my avatar walking through a beautiful scenic forest where I encounter some people who, to be honest, I ended up wanting to be more than the character I had created. Not a very good start.

I was hoping that FF14 would stand up by resolving the issues that were had in FF11. But the tutorial is just lacking. There is no voice acting and no explanation of how to talk to people or do anything. This resulted in a rather angry assault of clicking on everyone in sight before finally working out that you have to click each character to read the next paragraph of their speech. I really think it could benefit from a pop up box. Just for user friendliness. The other main problem I had was that it seems to presuppose knowledge of how MMO's work, which i guess is fair for the beta testers, because who else would be playing it. But, It's really not a good place for new users to be initiated into the JRPG, MMO scene.

The menu is awkward at best you have to click X on everything, theres no hot keys as of yet. I can't even run the game on full screen because there is NO full screen option, I have to play it windowed, which quite frankly takes away from the immersion that is supposed to be a key feature of MMOS.
I do have to say the Graphics are pretty well done. There is lots of amazing scenery and original art work and no it doesn't play anything like WOW. I'm going to deviate a little bit here to talk about this.
I was going to try and avoid comparisons too WOW, but I think it's going to be impossible because the reason WOW is so successful as an MMO is because it does some things so well. If you see a mountain in the distance in WOW, you can go there. I once swam around Kalimdor, it took me an hour and a half and it was boring as shit, but I could do it. In FF14 you see a pretty tree, you want to go to pretty tree, but the invisible barrier stops you. Boundaries are something that I strongly feel need to be omitted in MMOS. Every time you walk into an invisible border, barring you from your compulsion to explore you are reminded that you are playing a game, and you can't do what you want. If Square Enix are going to create a game that will grip people they need to give consumers the freedom to explore, but at this point I think theres a little too much linearity to make for immersive game-play, and this, if anywhere will be somewhere that they will fall down.

Now I must address the combat system. HOW DOES IT WORK? It's so awkward. When you click on an enemy the combat bar pops up in the middle of the screen. The cast bar isn't really obvious enough to tell you how long your cast is taking, and all the spells pretty much look the same. Although to be fair I haven't got that many yet, and I'm only speaking for mage since I haven't played any of the other classes yet. Also HOW CAN A BUNNY HURT ME? It fails to tell me how much damage is being done to me and doesn't tell you how to regen or anything. Where is the tutorial information on healing??


So in conclusion, the Beta is incredibly buggy, they have got a really long way to go if they want to have any kind of share in the MMO market place. I relaly don't want to say that this will fail because an FF MMO that was actually good would be amazing, but they don't seem to be able to quite grasp it. This confuses me alot because something like FF12 would have been an amazing online game yet they seem unable to make a good introductory MMO for Rabanastre. Lets hope this is only in infancy.
I might finish with a question from a Q&A with the producer of F14,

"In the alpha I wasn't able to jump, will there be jumping in FFXIV? And swimming? Maybe even climbing?

Its going to be the same as in FFXI. So currently there will be no jumping. If its necessary we might add swimming and climbing in the future."

.... NO JUMPING.

KAtie ^___^

Geek and Gamer Girls

Geek and Gamer Girls
Ok I saw this the other day, and I have to say, I was kind of excited. I was thinking finally, some more cool gamer chicks out to slay the world with sick dice roles and swords! I was looking forward to something ever so slightly reminiscent of "The Guild" where Felicia Day does the 'Date my Avatar' song which was totally awesome and not slutty and lame at all. But this is shit, it's a pile of wannabe crap. Like it's not even a good parody. The problem is for gamer girls to be considerate legitimate they have to turn themselves into a hyperbole of costume and skankery. What's wrong with looking normal?

There are a couple of things I can't stand about gamer girls and their representation in general. For one there's no camaraderie. I go to quite a large LAN called Respawn every couple of months. All in all about 600 people go and of those I think about 12 or 13 are girls. Without fail I get death stares, from the girls! This sucks. I for one was totally excited to see other gamer girls I was like "Hells Yeah! Girl power" etc. But my introductions were met with death stares. Death stares? Why? They all act like they are the shit. GET OVER YOURSELVES! My God, okay so there are other gamer chicks out there, you aren't unique, I get it you want to be special but come on like, be friendly. I really don't understand the mentality at all.

Anyway back to the video, the main problem for me in this video is that they act like just because they are girls who game it gives them full license to prance around like total sluts. Just because you game and have a vagina does not make you the hottest thing ever. Frankly I find this insulting to my male gamer friends, these chicks act as though every nerdy guy has never laid eyes on a chick before. Laying naked in a pile of video games.. really? I can just hear the sound of a thousand nerd cocks popping at the mere thought (that was sarcasm.)


^^That's how it's done ^^
Why couldn't this be awesome like Felicia Day in The Guild. She doesn't try too hard, this video is so unbelievably tryhard.

House of the Dead: OVERKILL!!

Platform: Wii
Creator: Sega


I have seen the movie for House of the Dead, and let it be said that I was less than impressed with complete absence of storyline, poor plot direction and the shameless addition of clips from the video game to fill in parts which the budget of $10.50 didn't quite allow for. It is understandable then, that when recently at a friends place, placated by mulled wine and delicious Japanese curry I was asked to play House of the Dead: Overkill, I was a little skeptical. Going into it with the enthusiasm of a hungover Engineering major with a 9am tute, I wasn't expecting much. Now I don't know if it was the wine or the curry or the lack of sleep over the last 8 weeks finally catching up with my hippocampus, but I actually rather began to enjoy myself.

There is something so deeply satisfying about pointing a gun at the television screen and decimating wave after wave of rabies infected, vomit expectorating, brain guzzling zombies that I just didn't expect from the wii platform. Part of the reason why I found House of the Dead: Overkill so unexpectedly glorious was that it retained a genuine arcade feel, thanks to the predetermined character movements and plentiful usage of the Wii Zapper. Ok so the graphics weren't amazing and the plot was painfully close to twilight fan fiction bad. However, I wasn't really expecting that much from it. If anything, the bad graphics, horrific voice acting and gratuitous use of the word 'motherfucker' only added to the marvelous, late night after one too many beers and a big mac, galactic circus feel.

My most memorable moment had to be attaining my first "goregasm." In order to attain a 'goregasm' one must massacre hoards of undead without missing, once you shoot a certain number of zombies without missing you begin to get combos which give you subsequent extra points leading up to a GOREGASM, which gives you 1000 extra points a corpse. Especially useful if you are competing for bragging rights against certain team members.

Each level is relatively short and follows the first assignment of Agent G, who is set to investigate some 'disappearances' in Louisiana (sort of). That's about as far as I got with what actually went down apart from he has an African friend called Issac Washington who is pretty much Denzel Washington meets Wesley Snipes, and instead of too many snakes on a plane there's too many zombies absolutely fucking everywhere. Of course there's the token booberella, aptly named Varla Gunns who seems to simultaneously befriend and seduce both of the protagonists (SPOILER> despite them killing her disabled zombie brother in one of the episodes). As far as I can gather she serves utterly no purpose except for being eyecandy and zombie fodder.
There are also some semi interesting villains whose plot lines are never quite resolved and whom frankly, I didn't really give a jack russell about as the time wasn't really taken to flesh them out whatsoever.


The sound track made me smile and giggle out loud at times, a hilarious accompaniment to smooshing zombie brains out the back of their heads. As far as being a zombie shooter, I have to admit, it doesn't take itself too seriously, or if it does I didn't notice, and that made it most worthwhile and enjoyable accompanied with increasing levels of inebriation throughout the night. Of course it may have helped that I watched quite possibly the worst movie of all time immediately after completing the game (Hot Wax Zombies on Wheels, FYI). It only takes about 2 hours to finish so it makes for an insanely fun game to play with mates on a night in.
6/10 Golden Zombie Brains from me .