Final Fantasy 14 beta be good..

My final fantasy addiction somewhat rivals my lungs addiction to breathing. It's the kind of addiction that can see you develop scoliosis of the spine because sitting on a bean bag for 10 consecutive days isn't good for you. I'm the kind of person who has all her avatars named after characters in the games. So yes, the Final Fantasy 14 Beta was released last week. I very nearly wet myself with excitement (read: did) when I sent my little application to Square Enix. My enthusiasm was slightly deadened by the immense difficulty I had downloading the client and then accessing the server. It took 4 days to download. I gave the first two days up as a concession because I realise the entirety of Europe was also probably trying to DL it too. But there seems to be some kind of retard programming the DLer because if there is an error in the process it has to download the whole thing again. It's like an OCD child counting smarties, if you miss one you start again from the beginning. There's no reference point for how much has already been downloaded and stored on your computer. How retarded.

Anyway I finally logged on and created my stock standard(a Mage of course) called Kriji Wolf, which is a sort of, cute, cat-anime hybrid class called a Miq'ote.
You can play as
- Miq'ote (Kitty hybrid)
- Elezen (Elf.)
- Lalafell (Mooglesque dwarf)
- Hyur (Hume pretty much)
- Roegadyn (Tauren... kidding, Giant.)

I'm pretty disappointed that I couldn't have been a Viera. That would have been an awesome class, but maybe they are waiting for the final version for that.
The beginning starts with a confusing cut scene of my avatar walking through a beautiful scenic forest where I encounter some people who, to be honest, I ended up wanting to be more than the character I had created. Not a very good start.

I was hoping that FF14 would stand up by resolving the issues that were had in FF11. But the tutorial is just lacking. There is no voice acting and no explanation of how to talk to people or do anything. This resulted in a rather angry assault of clicking on everyone in sight before finally working out that you have to click each character to read the next paragraph of their speech. I really think it could benefit from a pop up box. Just for user friendliness. The other main problem I had was that it seems to presuppose knowledge of how MMO's work, which i guess is fair for the beta testers, because who else would be playing it. But, It's really not a good place for new users to be initiated into the JRPG, MMO scene.

The menu is awkward at best you have to click X on everything, theres no hot keys as of yet. I can't even run the game on full screen because there is NO full screen option, I have to play it windowed, which quite frankly takes away from the immersion that is supposed to be a key feature of MMOS.
I do have to say the Graphics are pretty well done. There is lots of amazing scenery and original art work and no it doesn't play anything like WOW. I'm going to deviate a little bit here to talk about this.
I was going to try and avoid comparisons too WOW, but I think it's going to be impossible because the reason WOW is so successful as an MMO is because it does some things so well. If you see a mountain in the distance in WOW, you can go there. I once swam around Kalimdor, it took me an hour and a half and it was boring as shit, but I could do it. In FF14 you see a pretty tree, you want to go to pretty tree, but the invisible barrier stops you. Boundaries are something that I strongly feel need to be omitted in MMOS. Every time you walk into an invisible border, barring you from your compulsion to explore you are reminded that you are playing a game, and you can't do what you want. If Square Enix are going to create a game that will grip people they need to give consumers the freedom to explore, but at this point I think theres a little too much linearity to make for immersive game-play, and this, if anywhere will be somewhere that they will fall down.

Now I must address the combat system. HOW DOES IT WORK? It's so awkward. When you click on an enemy the combat bar pops up in the middle of the screen. The cast bar isn't really obvious enough to tell you how long your cast is taking, and all the spells pretty much look the same. Although to be fair I haven't got that many yet, and I'm only speaking for mage since I haven't played any of the other classes yet. Also HOW CAN A BUNNY HURT ME? It fails to tell me how much damage is being done to me and doesn't tell you how to regen or anything. Where is the tutorial information on healing??


So in conclusion, the Beta is incredibly buggy, they have got a really long way to go if they want to have any kind of share in the MMO market place. I relaly don't want to say that this will fail because an FF MMO that was actually good would be amazing, but they don't seem to be able to quite grasp it. This confuses me alot because something like FF12 would have been an amazing online game yet they seem unable to make a good introductory MMO for Rabanastre. Lets hope this is only in infancy.
I might finish with a question from a Q&A with the producer of F14,

"In the alpha I wasn't able to jump, will there be jumping in FFXIV? And swimming? Maybe even climbing?

Its going to be the same as in FFXI. So currently there will be no jumping. If its necessary we might add swimming and climbing in the future."

.... NO JUMPING.

KAtie ^___^

Geek and Gamer Girls

Geek and Gamer Girls
Ok I saw this the other day, and I have to say, I was kind of excited. I was thinking finally, some more cool gamer chicks out to slay the world with sick dice roles and swords! I was looking forward to something ever so slightly reminiscent of "The Guild" where Felicia Day does the 'Date my Avatar' song which was totally awesome and not slutty and lame at all. But this is shit, it's a pile of wannabe crap. Like it's not even a good parody. The problem is for gamer girls to be considerate legitimate they have to turn themselves into a hyperbole of costume and skankery. What's wrong with looking normal?

There are a couple of things I can't stand about gamer girls and their representation in general. For one there's no camaraderie. I go to quite a large LAN called Respawn every couple of months. All in all about 600 people go and of those I think about 12 or 13 are girls. Without fail I get death stares, from the girls! This sucks. I for one was totally excited to see other gamer girls I was like "Hells Yeah! Girl power" etc. But my introductions were met with death stares. Death stares? Why? They all act like they are the shit. GET OVER YOURSELVES! My God, okay so there are other gamer chicks out there, you aren't unique, I get it you want to be special but come on like, be friendly. I really don't understand the mentality at all.

Anyway back to the video, the main problem for me in this video is that they act like just because they are girls who game it gives them full license to prance around like total sluts. Just because you game and have a vagina does not make you the hottest thing ever. Frankly I find this insulting to my male gamer friends, these chicks act as though every nerdy guy has never laid eyes on a chick before. Laying naked in a pile of video games.. really? I can just hear the sound of a thousand nerd cocks popping at the mere thought (that was sarcasm.)


^^That's how it's done ^^
Why couldn't this be awesome like Felicia Day in The Guild. She doesn't try too hard, this video is so unbelievably tryhard.

House of the Dead: OVERKILL!!

Platform: Wii
Creator: Sega


I have seen the movie for House of the Dead, and let it be said that I was less than impressed with complete absence of storyline, poor plot direction and the shameless addition of clips from the video game to fill in parts which the budget of $10.50 didn't quite allow for. It is understandable then, that when recently at a friends place, placated by mulled wine and delicious Japanese curry I was asked to play House of the Dead: Overkill, I was a little skeptical. Going into it with the enthusiasm of a hungover Engineering major with a 9am tute, I wasn't expecting much. Now I don't know if it was the wine or the curry or the lack of sleep over the last 8 weeks finally catching up with my hippocampus, but I actually rather began to enjoy myself.

There is something so deeply satisfying about pointing a gun at the television screen and decimating wave after wave of rabies infected, vomit expectorating, brain guzzling zombies that I just didn't expect from the wii platform. Part of the reason why I found House of the Dead: Overkill so unexpectedly glorious was that it retained a genuine arcade feel, thanks to the predetermined character movements and plentiful usage of the Wii Zapper. Ok so the graphics weren't amazing and the plot was painfully close to twilight fan fiction bad. However, I wasn't really expecting that much from it. If anything, the bad graphics, horrific voice acting and gratuitous use of the word 'motherfucker' only added to the marvelous, late night after one too many beers and a big mac, galactic circus feel.

My most memorable moment had to be attaining my first "goregasm." In order to attain a 'goregasm' one must massacre hoards of undead without missing, once you shoot a certain number of zombies without missing you begin to get combos which give you subsequent extra points leading up to a GOREGASM, which gives you 1000 extra points a corpse. Especially useful if you are competing for bragging rights against certain team members.

Each level is relatively short and follows the first assignment of Agent G, who is set to investigate some 'disappearances' in Louisiana (sort of). That's about as far as I got with what actually went down apart from he has an African friend called Issac Washington who is pretty much Denzel Washington meets Wesley Snipes, and instead of too many snakes on a plane there's too many zombies absolutely fucking everywhere. Of course there's the token booberella, aptly named Varla Gunns who seems to simultaneously befriend and seduce both of the protagonists (SPOILER> despite them killing her disabled zombie brother in one of the episodes). As far as I can gather she serves utterly no purpose except for being eyecandy and zombie fodder.
There are also some semi interesting villains whose plot lines are never quite resolved and whom frankly, I didn't really give a jack russell about as the time wasn't really taken to flesh them out whatsoever.


The sound track made me smile and giggle out loud at times, a hilarious accompaniment to smooshing zombie brains out the back of their heads. As far as being a zombie shooter, I have to admit, it doesn't take itself too seriously, or if it does I didn't notice, and that made it most worthwhile and enjoyable accompanied with increasing levels of inebriation throughout the night. Of course it may have helped that I watched quite possibly the worst movie of all time immediately after completing the game (Hot Wax Zombies on Wheels, FYI). It only takes about 2 hours to finish so it makes for an insanely fun game to play with mates on a night in.
6/10 Golden Zombie Brains from me .

Miles Edgeworth-a-play

Platform: Nintendo DS
Creator: Capcom

If you were to ask my poor abused boyfriend what my favourite DS game was, he'd probably run screaming out of the nearest exit, throw himself off a building (assuming that we were up some such building tall enough.) so as to avoid ever hearing or mentioning the name Phoenix Wright ever again. In betwixt my incessant shouting of HOLD IT! And OBJECTION! at seemingly inappropriate and albeit demoralizing moments, forcing him to listen to 'Guilty Love' from Apollo Justice on repeat and generally trying to overlay the music from Pokemon on his DS with Phoenix Wright music from mine, it shouldn't come as a surprise that I was pretty excited about the new Miles Edgeworth game.

I've always thought that Miles was kind of the angsty teenager of the Phoenix Wright series, complete with scowl and associated troubled past. However having played Investigations I've come to realise that he isn't the angsty teen but the Obsessive compulsive, constantly plagued, older brother type. The story comes in between the end of Trials and Tribulations and Apollo Justice. Investigations certainly presents Miles as a much more complex and well rounded character than any of the previous titles. Most of the cases center around an investigation of an international smuggling ring which slowly and cleverly reveals itself as connected to all the cases. My only criticism of this is that each turnabout is sometimes unbelievably interconnected as though it's just been made to fit because it has to.

Play style is quite different from the Phoenix Wright and Apollo Justice formula. Whilst still linear it allows you to take control of Miles in third person. This probably one of the better additions and adds a little something extra to the traditional point and click genre. Instead of having evidence and court, Mile's collects evidence in his 'Organizer; and fits them together via 'Logic'. The Logic screen takes you into Miles' head and while this is an awesome idea I found it almost insultingly easy. Each case is solved by 'Rebuttals' which is similar to Cross Examination. Unfortunately although I immensely enjoyed this game I would liken 'rebuttals' to having sex without orgasm. It's just not the same without that silly old judge's gavel slamming righteously down on his little pedestal.

One thing I will say for Miles Edgeworth is that the music is amazing. Easily as good as in Phoenix Wright: Ace Attorney and a hundredfold better than the travesty of an orchestral work in Justice for All (at times I actually found myself turning the court room music off because it was so awful. This made me terribly sad and empty inside.) One of the best musical themes is Kay Faraday's. She is to Miles as Maya is to Phoenix. A kind of annoying but adorable character, she follows Miles around and helps out with her "Little Thief". Little thief is actually an awesome addition to this title. It's building on the old Phoenix Wright tools, like Luminol, and Finger Printing. Basically it's a device that can recreate any scene with the information you put into it. You can investigate it like a normal crime scene and 'Deduce' problems with it to modify events. Deducing is probably one of my favourite parts of this game. It makes you feel like one smart motherfucker when you figure out whats wrong with the scene. I'm sure I'm not the only one whose been slightly disappointed when playing alone and there's no one there to revel in your awesomeness after doing a particularly devilish piece of detective work. My desire to play the game is however always slightly encumbered by the feeling that I miss Phoenix from the plot lines. I feel somewhat like I'm betraying him by playing from another persons perspective.

Also particularly high on Katie's scale of all other games compared to Phoenix Wright: Ace Attorney is the return of Dick Gumshoe and Franziska Von Karma. It's kind of similar to when you start at a new university/dungeons and dragons group... whatever, and you encounter someone you know/ the same misogynistic rascal of a tiefling as you have at a previous university/ tavern. You get this warm fuzzy, happy feeling inside. Well it's certainly that way with Miles Edgeworth, when you see those familiar faces, you remember all the times you've had together and it's like being welcomed back into one big happy family. On second thought, maybe I do play this game a bit too much.

Despite my pining to be back in the court room I found myself playing this game constantly. I found that the character development was unique and certainly some of the new characters, like Kay Faraday and Shi-long Lang to name but a few who are some of the best in the series so far. Major props to Tatsuro Iwamoto who designed the characters. In short if you are a lover of the Phoenix Wright series or a point and click fanatic, definitely check out this game. As long as you don't go into the game expecting Phoenix Wright you will not be disappointed. Capcom have gone outside the court room to create something unique and different while retaining the same level of intrigue and fun as they have with their previous titles in the series.
7.5/10 from me.
Katie

Vajayonetta

Platform: Ps3, Xbox 360

Developer: Platinum Games (XB360), Nex Entertainment (PS3)

You've got to hand it to the Japanese they sure know how to syringe sugar into any video game with such enthusiasm that anyone would think they were trying to lifesave an unregulated diabetic. Bayonetta is no exception to that rule. OK, so it’s basically Devil May Cry with a sex change, a thousand times more boob-ass action and the best damn nonsensical storyline out there, but hey that certainly hasn't deterred me from every other Japanese game ever. Bayonetta has copped a tonne of flak for being "too sexual" and too much of a fan service, are you joking? This is freaking sweet. You get to play as an 8-foot tall, psycho-hot, bad-British-accent witch, who gets naked at every available opportunity. FUCK YEAH! People who say Bayonetta is too sexual are taking this shit way too seriously. Bayonetta is a satire of every J.R.P.G out there.

Everything from the overt sexuality to the crazy sugar-pop jazz background music is completely off the deep end of ridiculous. Not only does Bayonetta have Hideki Kamiya's signature glorious, press-x-to-not-die fighting formula, but it also looks like a freaking candy shop. If you get bored by the story line, hell, just admire the scenery. It's hard to find game scenery that can hold my attention span at the best of times. I measure every other game scenery in the RPG/Hack n Slash genre to my level of attention held by the game Final Fantasy V|| which I shall name a 9.5/10. Bayonetta is at least a 7.9/10 compared to that, possibly higher, I'll know when I play it again. Shit looks amazing (and no I'm not just talking about Bayonetta's shapely behind and perky pick-up lines). 

The story line goes like this... sort of: Bayonetta is an Umbran witch that was put to sleep for 500 years for being a bad-ass. You waken in the city of Vigrid being all like "where the fuck am I?" 'Oh shit I've totally forgotten my past", amazingly creative angels and righteous demons try to attack you along the way to kicking ass and taking names. One of the best features of Bayonetta is the Hell's Gate shop run by hustler, come entrepreneur Rodin, a ridiculously sexy black man who hammers demons into weapons for Bayonetta. You can save here and buy outrageously priced sexual weapons that just make you want to throw the controller at the television screen because you'll never get enough dam halos for them all. Halos are the currency since Bayonetta, whips, slice, claws or kicks her way to angel death central, stealing their halos and looting their corpses. The cringe worthy dialogue only makes this game better.

Yet another great feature of Bayonetta is witch time. If you successfully dodge an enemy attack you get sent into witch time, a deliriously awesome warp where time slows down and you can fuck up your enemies old school and they can't do shit about it. Bayonetta incorporates the awesomeness of button mashing with the fabulosity of combos which both look amazing and make you feel like you’re the strongest, baddest bitch around town. The best part of this is that Bayonetta is not easy. It's fairly challenging even on normal. I feel that a reasonable level of hardness is always a great motivation to persevere with a game (no pun intended.)

So what I'm really saying is all you haters can go back to your 'serious RPGs' Baldur's gate or whatever it is you kids are playing these days but if you want a slice of fun mixed in with ridiculous tunes and fabulous sexy button mashing Bayonetta is the game for you. Certainly a titillating way to spend 30+ hours of your life.

All Glory to the Hypno Cake!

Ok so like I mentioned, sometimes I make cake, this time it's the HYPNO CAKE!

Recipe:
Delicious Vanilla Cake Mix or
THIS DELICIOUS CAKE RECIPE: //www.taste.com.au/recipes/12027/easy+vanilla+butter+cake
Five different Colours of Food dye.

OK, so like this is simple as shit, ok a blind person couldn't do it, but everyone else, no excuses, it looks awesome and it's yummy as fuck,

1. take the cake mix
2. make up the mix
3. separate the mic into five separate containers
4. put one drop of different coloured food dye into each one and mix thoroughly
5. pour the mixes one by one into a round cake tin starting with the darkest colour at the bottom (protip: ROYBIV.. fuck green, green's an asshole)


Bake for forty minutes at 220 degree celsius

6. ????
7. Delicious ca-All glory to the hypno cakkkeee!!!

Here' a picture of one I prepared earlier:

Can Has Moar Kills? Girls and Games

"Shutup you little faggot!"... the response I get when I say something over a mic in a CSS (Counterstrike Source) server. Okay, so I LOVE gungame, I swear I could plug into lego, funtimes and blue arena and live in there. Who needs food, what do you mean starvation? I respawned like five seconds ago. But seriously, I like to gloat about my headshots just as much as any other gamer:

"Oh Oh I'm sorry did I just shoot you in the head?, awww awww oh was that me? oops my bad!"

Quite often guys in the server just assume that I'm a little boy. HAH, when they find out i'm a girl, it's all like:
"What? Are you a girl? huh?"
"So where you frum..? ;);):P:P:P:P::PP:P:P"

Eurgh I hate that licky face.

The above are actually some of the more palatable comments. I have been regularly abused for being a female gamer, I have been told to get back to the kitchen multiple times, told that I'll never be a really gamer, that I'm a poser or that I want attention and I must be ugly. Thankfully I have never been threatened but I know girls who have and its not nice.
Going through abuse simply for your love of laning, shooting, or questing is not okay, will never be okay and it's up to us lovely girlies and some lovely guys to help stop this kind of attitude towards women in the video gaming sphere.

I do not think that a mans fingers are more dextrous than mine, I do not think that their brain is more capable of detailing a simple map and I certainly don't think they make better tanks.

One time when I was new at css, I ran straight into the T's Spawn and just stood there with my UMP all like ^___________^ sup guise?
It was like they couldn't believe I would be so stupid :( I didn't know any better i swear.!!!See the thing you have to understand about me is, I'm just a big goofy idiot :) Everyone makes mistakes.

Robot Unicorns

Hi, My name is Katie, here you will find chronicled the games within which I whittle away my existence, my smutty, swearing social commentary, and the occasional cooking recipe that I've half-assedly chucked together for fun.
I'm a girl gamer, seems like we are a proliferating breed these days online, but offline we still seem to be as shocking as ever. My hours are spent sinking time into perfecting my aim, strategising, pressing jump at the appropriate time in certain Robot Unicorn games, and screaming OBJECTION! with Phoenix at inappropriate hours of the morning. Welcome to my world :) Sometimes I bake coloured cakes, sometimes I host lans, and most the time I play game.